Mahmoud Darwish in my mind, originally uploaded by Marita Cosma.

There’s a kind of suffering that leads to rage. There’s a kind of a hate that breaks through the gates of pain. And there’s a difference in between any way outrage takes, it’s the core it pops out from to make it, it’s the depth of the pain it comes from, the fears it comes out of, the tears it turns down into, the link where they meet to leave each other. Can u see it? I feel it. It’s the point in which pain, rage, outrage and hate collapse into one undefined feeling closer to compassion, hope, empathy, closeness and love, such as the sunshine might converge in a rainbow after a storm. Can u see it?

Vik’s ashes arrived home some days ago. The olive tree sent from Gaza and named after him too. Can u feel it?

I had a strange dream last night. It was about Steve Jobs. He was running to dive in a dark sea from a harbour in the dark of the night and a man was chasing him, hunting him down, shooting at him in the water once he had finally plunged and started to swim. He reached a vessel nowithstanding. Sparkles of moonlight at the top of any wave around its dark wooden basis were shining. “Stay hungry, stay foolish” was something he said as a quote? Ok, maybe more. Be hungry enough but eat, breath, climb, arise, live, be alive: “beauty is eternity staring at itself in a mirror”, I’ve heard. Yeah stay, Paradise. He reached the vessel in my dream, in order to sail to a faraway island, somebody would say.

The day before yesterday I felt like crying. It was not melancholia, not even nostalghia, it was just such an intense emotion collapsing in me like a vacuum that probably only the word saudade could ever define properly.

In my dreams we usually are safe, and warm, at home. I keep on dreaming the house where I was grown up, the bed where I suffered less. I wonder how deep the inches of my soul missing so badly my dad’s kiss before falling asleep go. How many senses do we have? All of them make us understand. Now, let it go: it’s always time to know how to let go. Does “Let Love Rule” sound obvious to you? It sounds better than Let It Be to me somehow. I hope it knows better than me which way to go inspite of every lack of confidence since the ground has begun to shake its obstacles out anywhere at anytime on the path of living this life. I know it’s powerful when it’s time to say stop in chorus. Can you hear it? A full stop is made out of  a million voices converging.

Good morning saudade, stay safe and sound.
Ciao Eve, ciao Newton, ciao Steve!
Thank you for your apples.
Much Love.